Frustrations
by ninirific
Summary: Edward can’t lose control around Bella. For the most part, it’s ok with her because she understands him. But she’s a girl with a HOT vamp boyfriend! How long can she be “good” and not push him over the edge? Are dreams enough to get her through?


A/N: This is my first fanfic for Twilight. For a while there, I was doing a lot of reading of these, but I just can't get enough Edward. So I decided to try my hand at it. So far, I'm intending to keep it at a one shot. I've never done a longer story so I'm a bit apprehensive of that. But tell me what you think and we'll see where these two take us!

This is supposed to be true to the characters in the first three books. All human for Bella…and All vampire for Edward. Yummm!

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BPOV

From the beginning Edward told me he couldn't lose control around me. My blood was already such a heady thing for him. He says it's gotten better though. The more time he is around me, the easier it has become for him. Well at least he has the blood part down. That's more than I can say for myself. Our physical relationship is another area where he feels the need to stay in control. It's not like we don't take part it any...activities. It's just that it never goes beyond controlled and chaste kisses. Although, kissing Edward is the most amazing experience! It's so hard for me though. I always feel like I can't get enough of him. I feel like a little girl who has her favorite candy being paraded in front of her eyes yet it's always out of reach. So I have resorted to entertaining myself with thoughts and dreams.

It always begins the same way...

_I was already changed for sleep and in bed, not facing the window. For the millionth time, I was staring off into my room not really seeing anything but thinking of Edward. Then Edward climbed through my bedroom window after going home to drop off his car. Charlie thought he stayed home when he did that but Edward would look at me and I could almost read his mind. "I'll be back right away." I'd have to stifle my huge smile before Charlie thought anything suspicious was going on. Before I even turned around, I could feel him in my room as soon as he came in. Most nights I didn't even have to see him to know he was there. Something in the air actually changed when he was around me. It became charged with electricity coming off his body. I slowly turned in my bed towards where I knew he was while stretching. I literally stopped when my eyes met his. Even in the dark, I could see his amber eyes sparkling like a slow fire. Here I go, dazzled again. Edward stood a few feet away from my bed, probably gathering himself enough to step closer. He stared at me with his crooked smile and I smiled back, a blush tinting my cheeks. I sat up a little bit and waited. He didn't make me wait long though. He walked over and placed both hands on my bed while leaning in for a small kiss. I know I'm supposed to behave but I couldn't keep from pushing my lips closer to his. I could never get close enough. I felt him tense at once but he didn't pull away from me. That made me a bit bolder so I put my hand on the back of his neck, drawing him a bit closer. He resisted for a fraction of a second but then I felt my bed dip slightly from his weight. I could tell he was still holding himself away from me, scared to let go. I sat up and put my legs under me, kneeling. My other hand came up and found his hair. Oh that soft bronze hair that I could run my fingers through all day. I was kissing him with more urgency now but so afraid to have him leave me. I couldn't take it anymore. Not being able to kiss him with the full force of my passion for him. But this time was different. I felt him lick my bottom lip seeking entrance. Gladly I parted my lips and he slid his tongue in. It was so cold and extremely erotic in my hot mouth. This was new territory for me with Edward and I was relishing every moment. I eagerly met his tongue with mine and caressed it. I let out a small sound of pleasure and felt his hands go up to my neck and hair. He was pulling me up against him. I knew he could probably hear how erratic my heartbeat was at this moment, but I didn't care. All I cared about was how his lips felt on mine and how this was the longest kiss we'd ever shared. His lips left mine and I gasped for breath, realizing I'd almost forgotten to breathe. Feeling a huge swell of disappointment, I went to sit back down but realized that he wasn't pulling away. He held my cheek with his hand and looked at me intently placing his forehead against mine. _

"_Bella…you're so beautiful…", he whispered._

_I couldn't find my voice. Dumbstruck, I just stared back at him; my lips still parted breathing in and trying to steady my heart. That thought quickly went out the window when his lips found their way to my neck. Edward placed small open mouthed kisses in a little line from my collarbone to my ear and back along my jaw. My eyes closed and I sighed his name. His lips were so smooth and refreshing. Each kiss sent a tingle down my entire body and my heart began beating even more crazily. It almost felt like it should be hurting with the force. I couldn't believe he was still kissing me. There wasn't a section of my neck, ears, and face that he wasn't lavishing with his lips and tongue. I could smell his sweet breath all around me, intoxicating me. _

"_Edward…what-?", I started._

"_Sshh", he replied._

_He didn't have to tell me twice. I knew that these moments were ones to treasure. I wasn't about to cut it short by questioning him. He placed his lips on mine again, turning on my bed and pulling me with him so I was sitting on his lap. I took advantage and placed my knees on either side of him, afraid he would object. When he didn't, I smiled against his lips and decided I was going to push him as much as he'd let me. There were just too many times since we'd been together that I'd wished I could do all this with him. _

_I lifted myself on my knees and pushed my body against his, bringing myself down again and grinding against him a little bit. Again, this went without any repercussion. I could feel him under me, hard and waiting. Edward's hands were all over my hair, my face and my back, softly caressing me. I could sense an urgency in his kisses like never before. His hands found their way to the hem of my shirt and I shuddered when his fingers touched my bare skin as he pulled it up. He pulled my shirt over my head, breaking our kiss. My hands went to the buttons on his shirt and clumsily began unbuttoning it. When it was finally done, I ran my fingers up his bare chest and he groaned. My hands pushed the shirt off his shoulders and completely off him. _

_The control I had tried maintaining until then went completely out the window. I couldn't get enough of him, of his skin. My hands were roaming over his body and through his hair. He pulled away from my lips and started kissing my shoulders, sliding my bra straps over them. I started grinding against him again, loving how excited I made him. My breath was coming in shallow gasps and I threw my head back; his kisses traveling to the front of my throat to my collar bone. _

_I felt his hands go to my back and slowly unhook my bra. It felt like I was slowly dying with anticipation. Once my bra was off, he let it drop to the floor. Then he brought one hand to my breast, softly massaging it and running his thumb over my nipple. It hardened at the first touch of his cool fingers. I moaned and bit my lip. This feeling was exquisitely painful. I arched my back, silently begging his lips to find my chest. He didn't make me wait long. With a small amount of force he stood up, holding my body flush against his and turned around. He laid me on my bed and followed me with his body, not putting his full weight on me. _

_Edward lifted my arms over my head and I kept them there. His hands slowly made their way down my arms, over my shoulders and to my breasts. Each hand cupped my breasts and began massaging them. His mouth was on the swell of my breasts and I wriggled underneath him impatiently. He smiled at me, knowing what I wanted. He brought his mouth over to one of my breasts, keeping his hand on the other and twisting my nipple between his thumb and forefinger. His lips closed over my nipple and I bit back a moan. His cold mouth on it making it harden even more. I brought one arm down and grabbed his hair, pushing him closer to me. He was flicking my nipple with his tongue and drawing shivers from me. He sucked on it until I was gasping for air. His mouth made its way over to my other breast and showered it with the same attention. _

_Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew Edward would be stopping us soon. This was more than he'd ever done with me and I was afraid of him stopping us now. I needed to feel him. I wanted to know what his naked body would feel like on top of mine. I craved him inside of me. I suddenly made up my mind. I moved my hands down his back, over his ass and around to his front. I didn't hesitate, lest he bring this all to a stop. Quickly if not gracefully, I undid his pants and pulled them down frantically. I couldn't get them all the way down while he was still showering attention on my breasts but at least half the job was done. I opened my legs wider and put my feet down on my bed around him. My hand went back to the front of him and gathering enough courage, I slipped it into his boxers and around him. I heard his sharp intake of breath and he stopped his kisses to my chest. I froze thinking it was over. I looked up at him and he was staring at me. I could see the war going on in his mind, probably faster than I would ever have thought possible. I saw his eyes close a fraction and knew he couldn't stop either. I smiled and he returned it, swooping down for another kiss. My mind went back to his lower body. He was so hard and thick. I stroked him a little bit, reveling in the feel of him. I cupped my hand over him and felt him push down into it, a growl escaping from his mouth. I'd never heard a sexier sound. Emboldened, he moved his hands to my bottoms and pulled them down. Letting go of my lips, he stood up at his amazing vampire speed and removed his pants and boxers. He stood there for a second and I just stared at him, completely in awe of his beauty. He walked back slowly to my bed and kneeling on it, pulled my pants and underwear off together all the while letting his fingers trail along my body. _

"_You're so beautiful Bella", he whispered with reverence in his voice. I blushed and shook my head, not finding the perfect words to describe his magnificent beauty. There couldn't be a single word in our language that would be enough. _

_He trailed kisses on my stomach down to my hips. I trembled and felt the warmth in my center intensify. I would go crazy before this was over. He traveled his hands up my leg and my thigh, finally coming to rest where I wanted him most. Slowly, he trailed a finger from my lower belly to my opening. My back instinctively arched up, craving more. He slipped his finger into my wet folds and tore a moan from my throat. _

"_Edward…more…please", I gasped for air in between words._

"_Oh Bella…you're so warm and wet", he said. He stroked me some more, finding my clit and focusing his attention on that. I gripped the blankets around me trying hard not to scream out. He slipped a finger inside me slowly and I threw my head back from the sheer pleasure of it, toying with my breasts. He began pumping his finger in and out of me and I raised my lower body off the bed. His hands left me and I looked up in protest. He smiled at me and I sat up, suddenly needing to feel my hands all over his body. _

_I pushed him back on the bed and straddled his thighs. I noticed a small amount of shock on his face that was quickly replaced with desire. I grabbed him with my hands and stroked the length of him. He was so beautiful. Better than anything I could have ever imagined. Using my limited knowledge from books and TV, I moved my hand up and down his thick shaft, increasing speed and twisting my hand from left to right. I could hear the breath he didn't need catching in his throat. But it wasn't enough for me. I wanted to taste him. _

_Locking my eyes with his, I bent down and licked the very top of his head, still holding him with my hand. I let my tongue draw a circle around him and down his length; up again. I could feel his body jerking under me and he was grabbing at my breasts and pinching my nipples in a delicious way. Then I closed my mouth around him and slowly took him in until I could feel him at my throat. I constricted my tongue and lips around him and gently drew back up. I repeated that a couple more times, a little quicker with each one. _

_He growled and jumped up, throwing me back down on the bed. He crashed his lips into mine in a fervent kiss while he positioned himself in between my legs. I could feel him at my entrance and wrapped my legs around his back. He pushed into me slowly and I cried out. He stopped and looked at me with a question in his eyes. I bit my lip and looked at him, nodding my head to show him I was ok. I know he worried about hurting me. I ran my fingers through his hair stopping at the base of his neck and pulled him to me for a kiss. He kissed me softly while he withdrew and thrust back in. Edward set the pace for us pushing in and out of me, every time a bit deeper and faster. I was panting and mumbling incoherent thoughts while he showered my face, neck and breasts with kisses. _

_I screamed out his name at the sheer intensity of this feeling. "Edward! Faster…please, harder…", I panted. _

"_Bella! I love you so much", he said. I moaned again as he pushed back in and picked up speed. "I love you Edward", I replied._

_With one final thrust, Edward's lips crashed against mine. He pushed himself into me as I cried out; my orgasm spilling out around him. My walls clenched around him as he emptied himself inside me, his body shuddering from the sheer force of his climax. My arms dropped from around his neck and I gripped the blankets around me gasping for air._

I sat up in my bed still gripping my blanket in my hand and breathing heavily. Realizing it was another dream; I ran my fingers through my hair and laughed at myself, shaking my head. I'd done it again. All of a sudden, I heard someone clear their throat and I gasped. I darted my eyes around my room grasping to see in the dark even though I already knew it would be him. I felt the blood rushing to my face and hoped that he had just climbed into my room, this very second. I prayed fervently that he hadn't just witnessed that. One look at him was all it took to realize that he had. _Oh no! _I was mortified! He was sitting on the floor of my room, his back against the wall under my window. His hands were intertwined and I could see the tension in his frame. His face was still while he looked at me. His eyes though were a different story. He looked tortured. I felt so humiliated and pulled up my blanket to cover my face. It took Edward a couple of more minutes to compose himself, but then he came around and sat next to me, putting an arm around my shoulders. He pulled me close to him and kissed the top of my head.

"Bella?", he said. All I could reply with was a whimper. "Bella, look at me. Please."

I slowly pulled the blanket down and turned my face slightly to look into his eyes. I still couldn't bring myself to say anything.

"I…", he started. "Bella, my love. Don't be embarrassed. That was the most exotic thing I've experienced. Difficult, yes. I had to fight so hard to not come over here and take you in my arms. But I know I can't. I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry I can't give you what you want."

I shook my head slightly. "Edward I'm the one that is sorry. Look at me! It's like I don't have any self control! I know how hard it is for you too and I should be stronger for you."

"Sshh, my Bella", he said. "Some day soon…I'll be able to share that with you".

Edward placed his lips on mine and lingered there for a moment. Then he pulled me back down to rest my head on the pillow, laying himself down next to me. I placed my head on his chest and breathed his scent in. _Some day…_


End file.
